I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
