So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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