My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
