my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just threw up on my dentist
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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