Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
