2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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