The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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