Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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