Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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