im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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