is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
