Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
