Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
