what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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