Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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