a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
