and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
