how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
