You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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