I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
