And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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