dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Let's get the cat blown out
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
