You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
