Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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