Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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