I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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