girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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