His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
