While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize