i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
