i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
