you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
