Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
