There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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