i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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