it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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