i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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