He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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