I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
