so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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