So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
