Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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