True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize