it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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