my mouth tastes like poor choices
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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