oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just had sex bonerless
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
