just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize