He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
