You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
