Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
