I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
God, I missed his penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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