I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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