he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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