she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
