I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
