fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
