i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
