When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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