I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
