My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
