If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
