Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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