i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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