I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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