After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
