Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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